Not amoung my finest moments

Hey:

 all the drugs I take, and there's about eight of them, have a warning that they cause dizzyiness and light-headedness. They're not kidding. I'm shakey enough as it is, I really don't need asssistance in that department. I got up off the couch to go to the bathroom, and I normally anchor myself to heavy furniture, this time I went to grab a cat post, we both went down, and I peed myself too. I'm too heavy for Terri to pick up, so it took me about twenty minutes to get my sorry ass back on the sofa. I don't mind embarasssing myself, it's a fact of life, but while I am adapting to being crippled, I'm not enjoying it. It does add insult to injury when the hospital that treats you so poorly sends you a survey. I should have answered this one in blood. I'm reduced to two fingered typing now, so all the thoughts that I would like to give type to are not going to happen. Pity that, I would like to tell the nice HMO that Terri pays about $600 a month for, that I would prefer to go to a hospital closer to me, and treats people like human beings and not dogs in a kennel. Of course they're probably not fond of me anyway, I've had a half-million in surgeries over the past two years. This, and I still don't have a left arm which functions. The kind doctor in the ER also turned me in to the DMV in 2005, so I haven't had a licence to drive since then. I filled out the DMV's 26 pages of paperwork, and even had it signed by a neurologist, but they still yanked my license. It made it easier selling my cars, but that was not a comfort to me. I'm sorry, I'm not a happy camper right now. But on the good side, I get to go in for a colonoscopy this Thursday. Why don't they just kill me and get it over with? I'm ready to go. I still have my sense of humor, but it's taking a darker turn. I actually liked the Joker in the last Batman movie. To me he seemed quite reasonable.

Take care all, the alternative is not pleasant. Your's from the ether.

Four page survey

Tri-City Hospittal sent me a survey to fill out. I've been there about six times in the past two years and each is worst than the last. I understand tnat my HMO has a contract with them, but they actuallly wanted me to anwser questions? Heaven help them, I told the truth. I've been in there six times in the past two years, and each time it get's worse. I am not a shy violoet. They're going to love reaeding my responses. Terri panicked 3hen I had seizures, and called 911, Tri-City diddn't even do an MRI or CT Scan on me.. This passes for medicine these days? I went in in on ambulance and all they did ws treat me for my COPD. I got to wear a Hannibal Lecter mask every four hours. No reason given for the seizures which panicked Terri so much. Aftwe all, why would I need to know that? I'm actually kind of fine now. I take about eight drugs per day and they all say will cause dizzyness and light-headedness. That's on the label. It'd not like I'm so secure anyway, but this does not help. I'm used to hospitals, but this is the secomend time I've checked myself out AMA.

Of course this is going to hurt me in the future. I have to go to this place they call a hospital because that's what my insurance willl cover. I think kennel is still the beat word.

Love to all from the ether.

New recipe tip

I make lunch for Trri every day, but I like to mix it up a bit ocassionally. Lunch meat every day can be tiresome. I hard boiled some eggs to make an egg salad sandwhich, but by the time they were done, I got dizzy and lightheaded, which I am prone to do, and after cooling the eggs, promptly fell on them. It took about 15 minutes to get back on my feet, but low and behold the eggs were pretty much shelled. I just had to rinse them in water, but it was the easiest time I've ever had peeling eggs. I don't recommend this mind you, I cut my head and you know how scalp wounds bleed. Still, I managed not to get any blood in the egg salad. I had a similar occurence in the hospital earlier this month. When I fall, it makes a large thud. I was crawling back to the bed in an open backed hopital gown, so everyone got a free show. I had to get a new catherder everyday anyway, so I can safely say that there is little about my personal body modesty left.

Speaking of which, I go in this Thursday for a colon check. I'm really looking forward to that. I realize I'm at an age now where this is going to be a regular thing, but I generally like to be kissed when entered from the rear; I doubt that's going to happen. At least one good thing. I generally don't wear underware anyway, this will come in handy this time. I like my doctor. He's very charming, I mention he's Polish only because I find it amusing. With his practice in a retirement community, he still calls me young man, although he can't be much older than I am. Sadly, every time I end up at the hopital they copy him, and I do not always behave in hospitals. I checked myself out AMA this last time. Even then the hunky male nurses were trying to stop me. A very lively discussion ensued. I won, of course. I told the charge nurse that if he didn't get me a wheelchair, I would crawl down that halls loudly and creatate a PR diisaster. I've been to Tri-City Hospital about six times in the past two years, and each time it get's worse. Unfortunately, they are are on my healthcare plan, so I can't go to Palomar, which is not only closer, but they treat you like a human being. Tri-City is nothing more than a kennel. I'm nothing special, but I am a human being, and expect to be treated like one.

Well, that's my bitching and moaning for this evening. I'm kind of hoping my prostate checks out. Given the luck I've had with Tri-City, I don't don't want them drilling my ass. I talked to a rep from the insurance company who said I should look for another hospital. I remended her of all the hastle I went through when I went to Palomar where I lost a lung. I thought health insurance was health insurance, and you went to the closest place. I was naive. I didn't realize they had back-handed deals.

On good news, Alan is out of the hospital now. The pneumonia he had was a very rare and violent kind. They can't explain how he got it. It does keep him out of chemo for awhile though, I'm afraid he's out of the semester at SDSU though. I hope this doesn't cost him his career.

Well that's all my good news from the ether tonight. My love to all.

Still here

It's been a couple of hectic weeks for us here. Terri's mom has taken a turn for the worse with her second stroke. Ter's had to fly to Florida to help with her affiars, and from what she tells me, the flight was gruesome. It's funny, I remember working for United Airlines when I was the old age of 19. That was what?35 years ago? Apparently now you can get food on a six hour flight, as long as you pay for it up front. It's true I can't fly anymore, It's true I can't do much of anything anymore,  Given what Ter tells me of her flight, it's just as well. Apparently things are bad there in Florida. Ter is going nuts with the problems, and this is just the start...Her sister sent what I can charitably call "Guilt Money" in the form of a check. Funny, she wan't here for her little brothers' death either. Odd. I've been to their house in Wyoming, and as near as I can tell, I don't remember any bars holding her in. My friend Alan has been in the hospital for two weeks now, and I haven't had the chance to visit him, except by phone. I can't really drive down there, it's about 37 miles away and I don't have a license any longer. Ter has actually paid a neighbor to come and check on me periodically. Seriously. I know I'm down, but I'm not out for the count. I have not now, or have I ever, failed for to care for my children, regardless of how many legs they have. Life is not always fair, but I'm still here.You can kick me, you can knock me down, but you can't beat me, I will be here untill I chose not to be.

Nice weather

It's been really nice having sunny days with no rain, although I haven't been out of the house in weeks. I can see it from my patio doors though. Terri's little SUV had a "wardrobe malfunction" on Friday and she just picked it up from the shop yesterday afternoon. $400 to fix a window which wouldn't close and gas at $3.89. How can anybody afford to commute to work? Your salaries do not rise fast enough to keep up with cost of living. Food prices still irk me. Everytime we go to the store we purchase less, but still pay more. We used to be able to stock up on food for a week for around a hundred bucks. Now we buy bare essentials for a hundred and fifty. It is a world gone mad, but who am I to talk, I'm groing collectively crazier by the day myself and retreating further into a fantasy world where I'm young and strong again, and have money to splurge on such luxuries as a jar of roasted peanuts. By the way, I also have a full luxurious head of hair and full bladder control. You can see, given reality, why it's so easy to sink into this fantasy world. I'm also able to get an erection at the drop of a hat, instead of once or twice a year. Oh, and course I can feel my feet and hands and be able to write again. Even little blogs take me hours to do because I can't always control my fingers. The novels or novellas I've been working on have been totally "benched for the game" because I can no longer work on them. I've been hanging on to a life preserver labled Tittanic in freezing water for quite awhile now. My friend Alan is in the hospital since Friday. It seems like the chemotherapy weakend his immune system so much that he was able get full-blown phenomia. He still doesn't know when they're going to be able to release him, and he is about 40 miles away and even if I was able to leave the house to visit him, I don't have a car I can drive, or a valid license for that matter. Even worse, if I was able to visit him in my current condition, they'd probably insist on admitting me during my visit. I've been putting off a scheduled procedures for about six months now, and my surgeon has gone missing in a cloud of mystery. The last thing I can risk right now is going to a hospital. Even with expensive insurance, our co-pays were so high last year that I worried it might trigger an audit when I did Terri's income taxes. With Terri's mom still in a clinic herself, I can't put her through trying to nurse both of us at one time, particularly when we're on opposite coasts. I guess this is what's called a horn of dilemma, although frequent visits to the Zoo and Wild Animal Park have ever included a sighting of a dilemma, and can't honestly say I've seen one of their horns.

On a lighter note, every time I log on to catch the TV schedule (I miss the old TV Guides) I find something even more ridiculous. Why dosen't the Golf Channel do a series "I can't find my balls" or MSNBC do something other than prison shows on the weekend? If I wanted to experience that, I'd have stayed in jail in Mexico. Why does every chef on the Food Network insist on making something that isn't possibly capable of reproducing from their general audience? (Honey, we need take another thousand out of your retirement so I can make dinner.) We're in a situation right now where the only sure news coverage  is on the Comedy Channel with Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert. What's up with that? Major news anchors like Brian Williams go on the Jimmy Fallon show and rap with him. Now I like Brian Williams, but he's no Walter Chronkite. Kieth Olbermann is off the air now, and fine pundits like Rachel Maddow aren't watched because everyone my age or above are watching the made-up facts on Fox News. Terri's mom, and I'm not making this up, blamed my bone replacements on Nancy Pelosi once, and said under Obama, I would be put to death. I should have seen her stroke coming a mile away.  Maybe I'm just expecting too much. Maybe I'm just showing my age. I just can't be bothered with merathon broadcasts of what the Kardashian broads are up to at the moment. Who really needs to know what these big breasted fat ass chicks are doing? Does this truly enrich anyone's lives in any way? If I could get a job as a network programmer that allows me to do it from the house in my bathrobe, I'd rock the broadcast world. Seriously.

That's my rant from the either today. Forgive any misspellings or errors. When you can't feel your fingers, it makes typing a bit more trying.

Facebook and stuff

I always enjoy eliciting convtroversy on Facebook. Anybody who reads this knows I have a twisted sense of humor, and sometimes I get huge results from my comments. I made a comment about how there could never be a "Real House-Husband's" reality show because we can't get implants where it would do a man the most good. I got personal e-mails, like, never work, man can't hamdle pain. I was actually temped to respond to that one, but I like to keep my posts if not poinent, at least funny or ironic. A lot of people I've "friended" on Facebook share a bit too much. I try and keep that to a minimum. If there's things I mention which weren't the bast moments of my life, I'd rather elude to them and not share them. By all that's holy, we have too much in the form of reality TV as it is, why would I think people would be entertained by my sorry-ass sack of shit life? I'd rather they tell me the one about the two nuns and a priest that walk into an airport bar. Sometimes the old jokes are classics.

As usual, I ramble. In my defense, I haven't slept in a couple of days now, and after awhile you get kind of spaced out. You ever get to the point that you're so tired you can't sleep? I mention days specifcally, because I'm up all night, and by the time I get the coffee going and make Terri lunch, it's coming on dawn, and I can take a nap in peace. Just as an FYI to show you the state of my mind at the moment, I have yet to unpack from the trip I took a month and a half ago. My luggage is still lying on my bed, and I'm sleeping on the couch. Considering my physical shape, the couch works for me. I used to toss and turn at night, but when you can no longer sleep on your side, you end up sleeping like an old vampire movie; on your back, with you hands folded across you chest . Hell, maybe I should forgo the couch and just get a coffin. Bad thing on that though, my snoring scares the nieghbors to the point of calling 911 if I forget to close the doors. Allright maybe I'm jesting a little bit there, but Terri has come home from work a couple of times when I'm still napping and told me she could hear me from the carport. I've been sharing hospital humor with Ter's mom, and we both laugh about how they wake you up every two hours. In my case, I think they were just trying to wack me up with more morphine because they could hear me from the nurse's station and couldn't concentrate. One charge nurse actaully recommend surgery on my septum. Of please, surgery after surgery to correct the first ones they f**ked up, and now they want me to get a nose job? Shit, I am actively avoiding the next two surgeries they want to correct the first ones as it is. What am I anyway? Steve Austin? We can rebuild him...we have the tools and technology, and he's got insurance. Excuse me, there's a person behind the meat you feel like carving up. At least the Turkey was already dead on Thanksgiving morning when you go to slice it. I did sign a DNR and am a registered organ doner, although with the shape I'm in, they could only use me for my corneas and skin grafts. I doubt anyone would want my liver.

Sorry, just venting a bit.  My best to you from the ether.

Talking with Mom

Just got off the phone with Terri's mom. After her stroke, she's still pretty good. She knew who I was, and we swaped hospital stories. It seems some things never change, either here or in Florida. I wish we were closer geographically. She moved back to Florida to be closer to her family, and now they're all gone except for Terri's cousin, who has had enough on her plate as a caregiver for her father before he died. Now she's trying to take care of Ollie also. Thank what gods we believe in that she is there for her. Ollie is very cognizant, and remembered who I was. I was very pleased about that, sometimes when she talks to Terri she calls her by other names, but being a proper southern woman, she remembers a man's name at all times. Funny fact here, we've both lost just about half of our bodies. Her stroke was on the left hemisphere of her brain, and she's having trouble with her right arm, and I of course, can't use my left. She may be 80 or so, but at least she's got two lungs. Anyway, we had a nice conversation. I'm glad I called.

That's all from me today, I think.